Monday Night, Babble

lately it seems, i have little to say
eventhough, the thoughts continue to swirl inside my head
confusion shaken, not stired, within each beautiful day
every night while I lay peacefully awake in my bed
i plan out the future, while i think about the past
opportunites at my fingertips
the life soon to be lived, with days rushing by so fast
everything, resting on my lips

i am so tired, but i forget often about just how tired i am. i keep living day to day, smiles natural, happiness enveloping. i am not in a low state, i dont feel depressed in the least. more so, i feel like i dont know what is going on. i dont do, think, or live remotly the way i did for the past 10 plus years, and it feels off, weird. tonight, sitting here enjoying a glass of merlot i wonder...first, why am i drinking merlot, but more importantly, how will i function when i get back in the fast lane. then i lean back in my chair and think, will i ever get back in the fast lane? i am living and surviving, the most important thing i have worried and thought about my entire life, yet i question. is it normal that i feel so alive, when i am not meeting any of the standardized guidelines for "life" as out elders see, and as youth is taught? i love life more so now, than ever...twenty-eight years old, and there is little i wish more for than what i have. hard to think, it is the opposite of what i thought i needed to be "whole".

today i went for my admissions meeting at The Artistic Academy...completed the paperwork, and now i truly belive this is going to happen for me. my eyes get a little teary when i think...years past and i have dreamt of tonight, funnier yet, it feels so wonderful, it feels like i am dreaming....

good night y'all