It's because...

ever notice things you do in life, later seem to have reason.
sitting back in a lounge chair, pondering over events from the past
I often find myself in this situation.

last night I had quite a long conversation about this, all the while I was sitting in my chair taking mental note after mental note. "even the mistakes we make have purpose"
later last night I compared different heartache and pain, to that I have lived, and saw minor similarities, as well as major ones.

Life.

I feel sorrow that things in my life could not have taken a different path. I can definitely say I, until recently with school, have not planned much of my life, if any of it at all. I just let it happen, with all my hope and faith in one basket. The past four years taught me some of the most valuable lessons about that basket. In so many aspects, I would have done all the same things, in others, I would have done the complete opposite. Overall. I still can see inside of everything, and always find peace.

I find it never productive to react in the heat of any moment, but we often do, regardless. I stop and think, my father being one of the biggest sons of bitches that walks the earth, and still he gave me the best gift of all. Even in hurt, there is love.

It's all because of love.

xo

Lessons

Then

You taught me the road of deception
You taught me to say one thing, while meaning another
Your legacy was built on years of lies before I met you
A short period of my life I followed suit.
You taught me I had to do this to see you
You taught me it was ok
You taught me things, I realize, I never wanted to learn

Now

You teach others lies you have made up about me
You teach others with your half truths and your mixed messages
You teach others, while you are completly unqualified to teach lessons of the heart or the mind.

------

I've learned trust is earned, and some friends wear masks
I've learned I never knew people I loved with my whole heart
I've learned you are no better than I (which applies to everyone on this great earth)
I've learned to forgive, rather than to hate
I've learned, and live free of regret
I've learned maturity is something realized, rather than something you "grow into"
I've learned to take a deep breathe before getting upset
I've learned to hear people out, because I realize some messages are hard to get across
I've learned some people will never stop trying to you hurt you, but realize my strength is three times the size of their hate.
I've learned from my mistakes, and hope others can learn this too

Listen

Sia~Breathe Me

VHI Wedding~Take One~

VHI Wedding 3
Originally uploaded by bfreedmb.

So some of you know, Scott had asked me to assist on this larger project.

A VHI special, where this lucky couple is getting the wedding of their dreams basically. As much money on flowers as many people spend on a small starter home ( that's a lot).

Here is a view of the garland Scott and I made this evening...breath taking, isn't it?

Let me know what you think...

(click the photo to see more of the beauty on flickr)

View

View
Originally uploaded by bfreedmb.

There are many gifts we give in life to those we hold dear to us. Material object, sometimes with depth, and others just to make others giggle a little.

In my life, I have given many of those types of gifts, both of depth and humor.

Recently I have discovered that some find the gifts I have given with depth and sentiment are merely to them, humorous. They find an emotional past, laughable. Looking at those souls, I find a few tears, and hope one day they find their way.

I my opinion, it can take a lifetime to get to know someone, and you may never truly know who they are. In my case, a few people have taken the voyage, and in their cases, I see them, and they see me. In other cases, people have said they could see me, when really they were not even looking in my direction. Some could say it was all a waste of time. I say, no time wasted, merely a lesson learned.

My life has been anything but easy, but in my time, at what I would say a young age, have come out of a lot of darkness, and faught for what is right in the world. I have made mistakes, and tripped over a few potholes, but never attacked maliciously. I hate no one in this world, even those that hate me purely.

So I sit back, I take in the view and realize my success in life, and see nothing but more to come in the future. I sometimes look over my shoulder and wonder, what if, could I, should I, did I...and I then turn back and realize...yes I did.

Six Feet Under

Tears
Originally uploaded by bfreedmb.

Last nights episode was truly the saddest episode of any show, I have ever seen...

Who was I just then?

Tobias with Pride
Originally uploaded by bfreedmb.

The past 6 months have taught me a lot about life. Hearing about death, and birth. I stop and realize, the period between has depth, with an ever shortening length. I don't fear death or even think about it too often, simply I realize the process. Surviving from A to B, usually effortless, its the hurdles that slow us down. I believe we choose the size of each hurdle.

Each day I remind myself of this, and each day from this I have learned the thought is far greater than the challange.

Peace and Love to All
b