...there must be something else I can't see

I continuously get more and more disgusted with our country, our world even. We (generally speaking) will do anything to ensure that we are a head of everyone else. "I want to win, and I will step on whomever I have to, to achieve that" I wonder why my mind is so weighed upon. I wonder why waking up seems harder than any physical act known to man. I wonder why I walk this earth with a blank stare, with empty emotions.

Deep inside myself, I am not as depressed as I presently am living. I believe my mind, body and most importantly soul, are in shock. I see the ways of our leaders, and on a smaller scale, see these very same minds ordering me around at work. I feel trapped behind a higher power, a power that is the antonym of who I am.

I watched more TV than I should have yesterday. I allowed the words, and brainwashing of the public to make me feel inadequate. I am 27 years old, and can barely tred water. Sitting on old furniture, with a slow but steady increase in my waistline, and to top it off, I am homosexual. In America's eyes, the country I so try not to lose faith in, in these eyes...I am unacceptable, and utterly undesirable.

Is it how many dollars I have in my wallet? How many toys my "kids" have to play with? I truly believe it is neither. My alter-self, that part of me that has lost strength. The side that is beaten and bruised by our society, that side of me cries. That side of me steps back and looks at the pathetic man that has little to show for his journey thus far in life. I have lived the American dream, because my only asset is the debt this country teaches us is the only way of life. It is hard moving forward sometimes, when in front of you is a fire burning lives, burning the hopes and dreams of everything you hold as pure to your heart.