Thoughts can Paralyze

par·a·lyze (pr-lz)
tr.v. par·a·lyzed, par·a·lyz·ing, par·a·lyz·es
To make unable to move or act
To impair the progress or functioning of; make inoperative or powerless
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Especially in my case, I lose strength when my I am overwhelmed by my thoughts.

In my life I have often found myself lethargic when engulfed in uncertainty. One thing about myself that has only grown through the years is my heart and ability to love. I love truly and deeply and once trust is realized...I love freely and blindly. I realize the weakness caused by this, but also believe within weakness is great strength.

I've been told to be too dramatic, and to dwell on things longer than needed. I both love and hate this trait of mine. I love the dramatic side of things as it is what feels true to my heart and mind. Perhaps I dwell because of my inability to feel complete until all the facts are crystal clear. Regardless I accept this of myself, as well as the consequences that come along with it from time to time.

This morning as the sun rose, I layed in bed staring at the ceiling playing thoughts and images over and over again. I had an emotional day yesterday, and as I layed there I wished for some of these traits of mine to correct themselves.

I guess I am not really heading in any one direction...I just have many emotions sitting in my heart that need to be released. I have always found great comfort in releasing them by writing, even if only I underdstand what I am talking about.