Where does my world begin?

Overwhelmed with nausea. I am completely uncertain why I am here. I am a person like everyone else. I have needs, wants. I almost believe I have a purpose.

Last night after watching “The 5 People You Meet in Heaven” I thought to myself, even as it appears unknown and worthless, there is worth in everything.

My heart, lives in so much pain, I really do feel sadness, something therapy will never teach me how to heal. I sometimes wonder, with everything wonderful that enters our lives, what portion of it is tainted? Even if wonderful things are present, can sadness and pain live inside of it all?

I listen to those around me, and see how they survive day to day. I see friends with heavy loads on their shoulders, loved ones with tasks nearly impossible to deal with. Through it all, they move on. Even with all the pain and strain, they conquer each day with strength and find tomorrow. You are my mentor, I find strength in your seemingly fearless voyage.

I wonder if I will ever be understood. I wonder if I make myself impossible to understand. Those that have visited the inside of my world, window shopped inside my brain, have seen the confusion. I see the wounded little boy, the fearful teenage, the stressed out young adult. He lives on many levels inside me, along side of the tearless baby, the strong fisted adolescent, the capable man. We all live with our weaknesses, and weigh them against our strengths. Sometimes, mine get confused and I have a strong man up against a weeping child.

I control my world, but struggle with owning it. I am far too often misunderstood. People never realize the influences they have on others. Many find strength and grow but lack in realizing their initial impact. People believe yesterday is always easily forgotten. Far too many forget their actions can change a world, in the blink of an eye. No one in this world is perfect. Very few of us understand how we impact those around us.

Many people changed my life on many levels, and in that I am thankful, I am sad, I am forever different.