My perspective on things does not seem to even be on the same planet as it was a year ago today.
Sometimes I cannot believe that I am actually present as time passes by. I obviously know that I am, as I have the memories as proof. When everything comes to a halt, using the present moment as an example, I am blown away when I look back at even the past day of events. Not to mention a whole year or more.
It’s quite overwhelming to piece together the thoughts I am having, trying to put together this puzzle of my journey. It’s hard to make this pathetic attempt to release some thoughts, sound interesting. Words used to flow out of my mind quite freely. While lately, it takes considerable effort.
I pass through page after page online, looking at the progression of my friends and loved ones. Watching such growth, birth as well as rebirth. Challenges being met and conquered. It’s quite amazing to see how much a year can make, change, destroy and rebuild. Quite easy when you are are talking about a tangible object. Quite extraordinary when you are talking about something real. Life.
After watching a movie last night, and reading over a well thought out blog of sorts from a distant friend. I have realized that once again I have fallen into this dark hole that leaves me hungry for more. I suppose that life can change as often as it would like to. Even if that means leaving my life in a disheveled mess. No matter how often you think you have everything figured out, there will always be a curve ball that forces you to realize “I have no idea what’s going on”.
Reading back over my words here have me realizing that I cannot move on from the same thought. I am almost so inside this emotion, it is all I can write about, it is all that I am feeling. It is, most definitely true to where I am in my life at the moment. This story, of sorts. These words, are me.
3 comments:
Time has a funny way of passing by so quickly, leaving us nothing but ourselves to show for it. Sometimes, what we as individuals walk away with from the passing of time can be a vast and immeasurable as the universe. And even though we may not see what it has done to us, others can see it as clear as day.
You've come a long way in the last few years and I'm sure you have a lot more road to traverse before you figure out where you're going and why. But it's best not to overthink as we often tend to do. Even as we peek into others' lives (whether we know them or not) and see their lives progressing at a rate in which we wish our own lives were, we have to realize that we're living at our own pace for a reason. And if we're not quite there yet, it doesn't mean we're stuck in a hole or trapped in a mire of stagnancy. We're on a path of learning about ourselves, and our own lives are probably the envy of someone else and we don't even know it. Think about it... In just one respect, you have the creative career you've always wanted. Not many people have that.
So, pick yourself up and celebrate how far you've come (and yes, you've come a loooong way), and remember that, even though you don't think your life has forward movement, those who watch from afar think you've grown immensely.
You've always been an amazing person, and it's great to see that you've only amplified ad infinitum.
youve always knlwn what to say
Hi, you don't know me but I feel exactly the same way. You also have a very stream of conscious writing style that feels comfortable. I don't want to creep you out, I'm not crazy or anything, just wanted to say hi to a fellow wandering soul. my names kelly, btw. check out www.myspace.com/uranutbag if you want to know more.
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