Dear "Santa"

Three years ago, at about almost this very week, perhaps a few days off. I remember sitting in a bar with the best friend a person could ask for. A man, that makes me smile and laugh to this day, and girl whom i forget her name but not how she made us all laugh. So, with that I think...

Christmas, to me, is about a time to be with those that you love. It is a time to come together from your busy life, and take extra time with those you miss or see quite seldom throughout the year. That memory is so vivid in my head, more so than the hysterical events of the evening. Rather, the time we shared together. Moments were not counted. The time was genuine and free of expectation.

For any number of reasons, the holiday season always gets me to a point where I want to escape, rather than come together. Quite a contradiction to my previous thought. I rely on that though and thoughts like it. To find at the very least hope that I will embrace the season and not run away from it.

Anyone that knows me, understands my inability to do something when I do not wish to. Not that Christmas is something I wish to not "attend". It is more, I fall short on understanding how to enjoy a holiday when it seems more like work, than something that should come natural. Perhaps it is from years of pretending, to satisfy those around me, or maybe it is because of reasons I am not even aware of.

Moving on...

My point here is this. I wish this year for something new to open my eyes. To discover the holiday joy inside of me. I know it is in there...somewhere.