"The Secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly."
~Shakyamuni Buddha
What you think upon grows...
11.25.2005
Buddhist Inspiration
"The Secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly."
~Shakyamuni Buddha
What you think upon grows...
10.22.2005
Inside this Blue eye of mine
"Does anything change in the sky when we understand that there is no Big Dipper?"
-John Goldstein
The continuation of my life, follows through thoughts such as that quoted above. Can we believe in that we cannot touch, see, smell or hear. Often I find my thoughts tangled in the idea that yes, of course they can. I still have moments of disbelief, regardless.
Reflecting on the years of my life, a series of thoughts occur. Following down paths lined in hope and faith, my curiosity is awoke by the idea that inside this path, have I any proof or understanding to continue to feed this hope? Strength and courage only pursue so far, when solidity is absent.
I am sitting on my cushion, taking the five minutes of time. Running fiercely away inside my head, visioning it with eyes closed tight. I merely blinked one eye, with a simple lift in the corner of my mouth.
Six Forty Five
Six forty five on a Saturday morning. I guess the early to rise all week as bled into my weekend. Usually I can hold onto the dream world much longer and sleep through the rise of the sun, and awake after life has already began its routine.
This fine morning I laid in bed, listened as the rain fell and random cars passed. Few birds chirping outside my window, making Tobias at full alert. My body completely comfortable, my brain semi restless. Powerless over the process, I gave in, and slid out from under the covers.
Complete darkness, with the exception of the screen at which I stare. I contemplate which direction my day of freedom will take me. I embrace the endless options, while feel satisfied if they all were to be left unfulfilled.
Reading over my words from a moment ago, I see how my tired eyes and sleeping thoughts make little sense. It has been some times since I have released a random thought, I figure what a better time than now.
Smelling the coffee brew in the other room, I find comfort and peace. There really is nothing like sitting at home, rainy day...drinking coffee...talking random crap on a blog that no one reads.
If you ever find yourself awake, while the rest of the world sleeps...I say embrace it...alot goes on, when we think no one is looking....poor guy outside just lost his umbrella to a gust of wind, and I bet he thought no one saw it happen...but I did, and he will never know.
10.16.2005
Five Minutes
Stop, sit down and take five minutes. This seems to be something most of us find nearly impossible to do in life. Constantly struggling to get where we want to be, fulfilling what we need to make us happy, seeking an impossible level of satisfaction.
I struggle in understanding this, just the same as probably most of the population of the living and breathing. Most of the situations we find confusion with can be solved by simply stop trying to reach resolution. Understanding and accepting, without reservation or expectation.
It is often the obvious that we stand blind to in darkness. Why should we have to practice something, when it’s point is blatant? Dismissing that what we believe we understand continuously, rather that viewing its power and allowing its assisting compassion and reality to bring a moment of peace. I live guilty of this and consciously seek the alternate route it will prove to open up to my life as well as the life of all those I come into contact with.
At first when posed with this Five Minutes of sitting down still, free of any movement I thought this is quite simple, and anyone can do it. Within the first forty-five seconds my mind began to tell me to move to simply find a more comfortable position. I fought this urge while silently contemplating how hard it really is to take these simple Five Minutes out of my life to help find endless amounts of peace.
The plain reality being, Five Minutes is no longer that Five Seconds. It will cost you nothing.
I struggle in understanding this, just the same as probably most of the population of the living and breathing. Most of the situations we find confusion with can be solved by simply stop trying to reach resolution. Understanding and accepting, without reservation or expectation.
It is often the obvious that we stand blind to in darkness. Why should we have to practice something, when it’s point is blatant? Dismissing that what we believe we understand continuously, rather that viewing its power and allowing its assisting compassion and reality to bring a moment of peace. I live guilty of this and consciously seek the alternate route it will prove to open up to my life as well as the life of all those I come into contact with.
At first when posed with this Five Minutes of sitting down still, free of any movement I thought this is quite simple, and anyone can do it. Within the first forty-five seconds my mind began to tell me to move to simply find a more comfortable position. I fought this urge while silently contemplating how hard it really is to take these simple Five Minutes out of my life to help find endless amounts of peace.
The plain reality being, Five Minutes is no longer that Five Seconds. It will cost you nothing.
9.18.2005
Eighteenth, September, Two Thousand Five
In the complexities of our minds and lives we easily forget the power of attention, yet without attention we live only on the surface of existance. It is just simple attention that allows us truly to listen to the song bird, to see deeply the glory of an autumn leaf, to touch the heart of another and be touched. We need to be fully present in order to love a single thing wholeheartedly. We need to be fully awake in this moment if we are to receive and respond to the learning inherent in it.
9.13.2005
Bodyless Monsters
Sam II back in action
So...here is a first look at what we have to work with all day at school. This is poor representation of the style, as I started to brush it out before I thought of this neat idea...anywhoo...isn't she fabu in her shades...
So...here is a first look at what we have to work with all day at school. This is poor representation of the style, as I started to brush it out before I thought of this neat idea...anywhoo...isn't she fabu in her shades...
9.11.2005
Narrow Path
The lyrics to this song could not be any more "perfect".
For so many days of my life I feel I have been seeking perfection, whether with appearance, communication, love, happiness or sadness. I have found perfect moments, but never this idea of perfection. I now believe perfection lives inside of all these imperfections we hide, feel shame for and lock-up and throw away the key.
The wind blows to achieve balance on earth, lately the wind in my life has been a hurricane of feelings. Leaving me in a state of awareness and devistation. For far too many hours I have lost strength hoping to save my world alone, I have realized I too, need help along this journey. Stopping in my tracks and asking, has been the most worth while lesson I have learned yet. What does tomorrow have in store? I wait with open arms, and an even more open mind.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Fix You, Coldplay
For so many days of my life I feel I have been seeking perfection, whether with appearance, communication, love, happiness or sadness. I have found perfect moments, but never this idea of perfection. I now believe perfection lives inside of all these imperfections we hide, feel shame for and lock-up and throw away the key.
The wind blows to achieve balance on earth, lately the wind in my life has been a hurricane of feelings. Leaving me in a state of awareness and devistation. For far too many hours I have lost strength hoping to save my world alone, I have realized I too, need help along this journey. Stopping in my tracks and asking, has been the most worth while lesson I have learned yet. What does tomorrow have in store? I wait with open arms, and an even more open mind.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Fix You, Coldplay
9.09.2005
Deb's Do...DONE
So week one is over...leaving a mere 1,176 more hours left of learning the craft of cosmetology.
Tonight, I think Deb (mannequin head 1) is going out on the town with her teased out, brady bunch looking', stylin' doo.
****disclaimer feel free to send cash****
8.31.2005
It's because...
ever notice things you do in life, later seem to have reason.
sitting back in a lounge chair, pondering over events from the past
I often find myself in this situation.
last night I had quite a long conversation about this, all the while I was sitting in my chair taking mental note after mental note. "even the mistakes we make have purpose"
later last night I compared different heartache and pain, to that I have lived, and saw minor similarities, as well as major ones.
Life.
I feel sorrow that things in my life could not have taken a different path. I can definitely say I, until recently with school, have not planned much of my life, if any of it at all. I just let it happen, with all my hope and faith in one basket. The past four years taught me some of the most valuable lessons about that basket. In so many aspects, I would have done all the same things, in others, I would have done the complete opposite. Overall. I still can see inside of everything, and always find peace.
I find it never productive to react in the heat of any moment, but we often do, regardless. I stop and think, my father being one of the biggest sons of bitches that walks the earth, and still he gave me the best gift of all. Even in hurt, there is love.
It's all because of love.
xo
8.27.2005
Lessons
Then
You taught me the road of deception
You taught me to say one thing, while meaning another
Your legacy was built on years of lies before I met you
A short period of my life I followed suit.
You taught me I had to do this to see you
You taught me it was ok
You taught me things, I realize, I never wanted to learn
Now
You teach others lies you have made up about me
You teach others with your half truths and your mixed messages
You teach others, while you are completly unqualified to teach lessons of the heart or the mind.
------
I've learned trust is earned, and some friends wear masks
I've learned I never knew people I loved with my whole heart
I've learned you are no better than I (which applies to everyone on this great earth)
I've learned to forgive, rather than to hate
I've learned, and live free of regret
I've learned maturity is something realized, rather than something you "grow into"
I've learned to take a deep breathe before getting upset
I've learned to hear people out, because I realize some messages are hard to get across
I've learned some people will never stop trying to you hurt you, but realize my strength is three times the size of their hate.
I've learned from my mistakes, and hope others can learn this too
You taught me the road of deception
You taught me to say one thing, while meaning another
Your legacy was built on years of lies before I met you
A short period of my life I followed suit.
You taught me I had to do this to see you
You taught me it was ok
You taught me things, I realize, I never wanted to learn
Now
You teach others lies you have made up about me
You teach others with your half truths and your mixed messages
You teach others, while you are completly unqualified to teach lessons of the heart or the mind.
------
I've learned trust is earned, and some friends wear masks
I've learned I never knew people I loved with my whole heart
I've learned you are no better than I (which applies to everyone on this great earth)
I've learned to forgive, rather than to hate
I've learned, and live free of regret
I've learned maturity is something realized, rather than something you "grow into"
I've learned to take a deep breathe before getting upset
I've learned to hear people out, because I realize some messages are hard to get across
I've learned some people will never stop trying to you hurt you, but realize my strength is three times the size of their hate.
I've learned from my mistakes, and hope others can learn this too
8.26.2005
8.10.2005
VHI Wedding~Take One~
So some of you know, Scott had asked me to assist on this larger project.
A VHI special, where this lucky couple is getting the wedding of their dreams basically. As much money on flowers as many people spend on a small starter home ( that's a lot).
Here is a view of the garland Scott and I made this evening...breath taking, isn't it?
Let me know what you think...
(click the photo to see more of the beauty on flickr)
A VHI special, where this lucky couple is getting the wedding of their dreams basically. As much money on flowers as many people spend on a small starter home ( that's a lot).
Here is a view of the garland Scott and I made this evening...breath taking, isn't it?
Let me know what you think...
(click the photo to see more of the beauty on flickr)
View
There are many gifts we give in life to those we hold dear to us. Material object, sometimes with depth, and others just to make others giggle a little.
In my life, I have given many of those types of gifts, both of depth and humor.
Recently I have discovered that some find the gifts I have given with depth and sentiment are merely to them, humorous. They find an emotional past, laughable. Looking at those souls, I find a few tears, and hope one day they find their way.
I my opinion, it can take a lifetime to get to know someone, and you may never truly know who they are. In my case, a few people have taken the voyage, and in their cases, I see them, and they see me. In other cases, people have said they could see me, when really they were not even looking in my direction. Some could say it was all a waste of time. I say, no time wasted, merely a lesson learned.
My life has been anything but easy, but in my time, at what I would say a young age, have come out of a lot of darkness, and faught for what is right in the world. I have made mistakes, and tripped over a few potholes, but never attacked maliciously. I hate no one in this world, even those that hate me purely.
So I sit back, I take in the view and realize my success in life, and see nothing but more to come in the future. I sometimes look over my shoulder and wonder, what if, could I, should I, did I...and I then turn back and realize...yes I did.
In my life, I have given many of those types of gifts, both of depth and humor.
Recently I have discovered that some find the gifts I have given with depth and sentiment are merely to them, humorous. They find an emotional past, laughable. Looking at those souls, I find a few tears, and hope one day they find their way.
I my opinion, it can take a lifetime to get to know someone, and you may never truly know who they are. In my case, a few people have taken the voyage, and in their cases, I see them, and they see me. In other cases, people have said they could see me, when really they were not even looking in my direction. Some could say it was all a waste of time. I say, no time wasted, merely a lesson learned.
My life has been anything but easy, but in my time, at what I would say a young age, have come out of a lot of darkness, and faught for what is right in the world. I have made mistakes, and tripped over a few potholes, but never attacked maliciously. I hate no one in this world, even those that hate me purely.
So I sit back, I take in the view and realize my success in life, and see nothing but more to come in the future. I sometimes look over my shoulder and wonder, what if, could I, should I, did I...and I then turn back and realize...yes I did.
8.08.2005
8.03.2005
Who was I just then?
The past 6 months have taught me a lot about life. Hearing about death, and birth. I stop and realize, the period between has depth, with an ever shortening length. I don't fear death or even think about it too often, simply I realize the process. Surviving from A to B, usually effortless, its the hurdles that slow us down. I believe we choose the size of each hurdle.
Each day I remind myself of this, and each day from this I have learned the thought is far greater than the challange.
Peace and Love to All
b
Each day I remind myself of this, and each day from this I have learned the thought is far greater than the challange.
Peace and Love to All
b
7.23.2005
7.20.2005
Tired Tobias
Sleepy Kitty.... (photo taken at 4am, when I was for whatever reason, wide awake)
Seems like he is always sleepy when I am wide awake..and the opposite, when I am tired...perhaps it is a plan to defeat me..
Seems like he is always sleepy when I am wide awake..and the opposite, when I am tired...perhaps it is a plan to defeat me..
7.17.2005
dedicated to dd
when i look at this picture, i see
a patient boy
an understanding man
a giving person
a happy soul
a guy wearing all black
a silver Audi
an orange flag
blooming plants
expired meters
cigarette butts
a dirty tissue
seems i have gone off the topic at hand...anyways..
Happy Birthday DD
a patient boy
an understanding man
a giving person
a happy soul
a guy wearing all black
a silver Audi
an orange flag
blooming plants
expired meters
cigarette butts
a dirty tissue
seems i have gone off the topic at hand...anyways..
Happy Birthday DD
7.05.2005
Happy 4th
Picture it, LBI, July 4th, 2005...beautiful
So this July 4th, I headed down to LBI with The Norton Crew, and had quite the relaxing weekend, relaxed by the pool, walked on the beach, and partied like a rock star. It was most definitely what I needed after spending two weeks inside my house, nursing myself back to health.
Here is one photo of many...we tried something different this weekend, all taking pictures, there is an entire photo session of the whole weekend capturing it from beginning to end...Catch it on DVD this fall....
Brought the fantastic weekend to a close with Erin, Bridget and Miko up on the roof watching the loudest fireworks I have ever heard...roof top here on Chestnut Street. All in all, the weekend could not have been any better...
xo
So this July 4th, I headed down to LBI with The Norton Crew, and had quite the relaxing weekend, relaxed by the pool, walked on the beach, and partied like a rock star. It was most definitely what I needed after spending two weeks inside my house, nursing myself back to health.
Here is one photo of many...we tried something different this weekend, all taking pictures, there is an entire photo session of the whole weekend capturing it from beginning to end...Catch it on DVD this fall....
Brought the fantastic weekend to a close with Erin, Bridget and Miko up on the roof watching the loudest fireworks I have ever heard...roof top here on Chestnut Street. All in all, the weekend could not have been any better...
xo
6.30.2005
Spain Legalizes Same-Sex Marriages
Jun 30, 6:38 AM (ET)
By MAR ROMAN
MADRID, Spain (AP) - Parliament legalized gay marriage Thursday, defying conservatives and clergy who opposed making traditionally Roman Catholic Spain the third country to allow same-sex unions nationwide. Jubilant gay activists blew kisses to lawmakers after the vote.
The measure passed the 350-seat Congress of Deputies by a vote of 187 to 147. The bill, part of the ruling Socialists' aggressive agenda for social reform, also lets gay couples adopt children and inherit each others' property.
The bill is now law. The Senate, where conservatives hold the largest number of seats, rejected the bill last week. But it is an advisory body and final say on legislation rests with the Congress of Deputies.
After the final tally was announced, gay and lesbian activists watching from the spectator section of the ornate chamber cried, cheered, hugged, waved to lawmakers and blew them kisses.
Several members of the conservative opposition Popular Party, which was vehemently opposed to the bill, shouted: "This is a disgrace." Those in favor stood and clapped.
The Netherlands and Belgium are the only other two countries that allow gay marriage nationwide. Canada's House of Commons passed legislation Tuesday that would legalize gay marriage; its Senate is expected to pass the bill into law by the end of July.
Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero noted this in debate before the vote.
"We were not the first, but I am sure we will not be the last. After us will come many other countries, driven, ladies and gentlemen, by two unstoppable forces: freedom and equality," he told the chamber.
Zapatero said the reform of Spanish legal code simply adds one dry paragraph of legalese but means much more.
He called it "a small change in wording that means an immense change in the lives of thousands of citizens. We are not legislating, ladies and gentlemen, for remote unknown people. We are expanding opportunities for the happiness of our neighbors, our work colleagues, our friends, our relatives."
Zapatero lacks a majority in the chamber but got help from small regional-based parties that tend to be his allies.
Spanish gay couples can get married as soon as the law is published in the official government registry. This could come as early as Friday, or within two weeks at the latest, parliament's press office said.
Popular Party leader Mariano Rajoy said after the vote that Zapatero has deeply divided Spain and should have sought a consensus in parliament that recognized same-sex unions but didn't call them marriage. Rajor said that if the vast majority of countries in the world don't accept gay marriage, including some run by Socialists, there must be a reason.
"I think the prime minister has committed a grave act of irresponsibility," Rajor told reporters.
Beatriz Gimeno, a longtime leader of the gay rights movement in Spain, held back tears as she hugged her partner Boti after the vote.
"It is a historic day for the world's homosexuals. We have been fighting for many years," Gimeno said. "Now comes the hardest part, which is changing society's mentality."
The gay marriage bill was the boldest and most divisive initiative of the liberal social agenda Zapatero has embarked on since taking office in April 2004. Parliament overhauled Spain's 25-year-old divorce law on Wednesday, also irking the church, by letting couples end their marriage without a mandatory separation or having to state a reason for the split-up, as required under the old law.
He has also pushed through legislation allowing stem-cell research and wants to loosen Spain's restrictive abortion law.
The Roman Catholic Church, which held much sway over the government just a generation ago when Gen. Francisco Franco was in power, had adamantly opposed gay marriage. In its first display of anti-government activism in 20 years, it endorsed a June 18 rally in which hundreds of thousands marched through Madrid in opposition to the bill. Some 20 bishops took part in the June 18 rally.
On Wednesday, a Catholic lay group called the Spanish Family Forum presented lawmakers with a petition bearing 600,000 signatures as a last-minute protest.
Late last year, the spokesman for the Spanish Bishops Conference, Antonio Martinez Camino said that allowing gay marriage was like "imposing a virus on society - something false that will have negative consequences for social life."
Despite the street protests in Madrid and elsewhere and the petition drive, polls suggest Spaniards supported gay marriage.
A survey released in May by pollster Instituto Opina said 62 percent of Spaniards support the government's action on this issue, and 30 percent oppose it. The poll had a margin of error of 3 percentage points. But surveys show Spaniards about evenly split over whether gay couples should be allowed to adopt children.
By MAR ROMAN
MADRID, Spain (AP) - Parliament legalized gay marriage Thursday, defying conservatives and clergy who opposed making traditionally Roman Catholic Spain the third country to allow same-sex unions nationwide. Jubilant gay activists blew kisses to lawmakers after the vote.
The measure passed the 350-seat Congress of Deputies by a vote of 187 to 147. The bill, part of the ruling Socialists' aggressive agenda for social reform, also lets gay couples adopt children and inherit each others' property.
The bill is now law. The Senate, where conservatives hold the largest number of seats, rejected the bill last week. But it is an advisory body and final say on legislation rests with the Congress of Deputies.
After the final tally was announced, gay and lesbian activists watching from the spectator section of the ornate chamber cried, cheered, hugged, waved to lawmakers and blew them kisses.
Several members of the conservative opposition Popular Party, which was vehemently opposed to the bill, shouted: "This is a disgrace." Those in favor stood and clapped.
The Netherlands and Belgium are the only other two countries that allow gay marriage nationwide. Canada's House of Commons passed legislation Tuesday that would legalize gay marriage; its Senate is expected to pass the bill into law by the end of July.
Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero noted this in debate before the vote.
"We were not the first, but I am sure we will not be the last. After us will come many other countries, driven, ladies and gentlemen, by two unstoppable forces: freedom and equality," he told the chamber.
Zapatero said the reform of Spanish legal code simply adds one dry paragraph of legalese but means much more.
He called it "a small change in wording that means an immense change in the lives of thousands of citizens. We are not legislating, ladies and gentlemen, for remote unknown people. We are expanding opportunities for the happiness of our neighbors, our work colleagues, our friends, our relatives."
Zapatero lacks a majority in the chamber but got help from small regional-based parties that tend to be his allies.
Spanish gay couples can get married as soon as the law is published in the official government registry. This could come as early as Friday, or within two weeks at the latest, parliament's press office said.
Popular Party leader Mariano Rajoy said after the vote that Zapatero has deeply divided Spain and should have sought a consensus in parliament that recognized same-sex unions but didn't call them marriage. Rajor said that if the vast majority of countries in the world don't accept gay marriage, including some run by Socialists, there must be a reason.
"I think the prime minister has committed a grave act of irresponsibility," Rajor told reporters.
Beatriz Gimeno, a longtime leader of the gay rights movement in Spain, held back tears as she hugged her partner Boti after the vote.
"It is a historic day for the world's homosexuals. We have been fighting for many years," Gimeno said. "Now comes the hardest part, which is changing society's mentality."
The gay marriage bill was the boldest and most divisive initiative of the liberal social agenda Zapatero has embarked on since taking office in April 2004. Parliament overhauled Spain's 25-year-old divorce law on Wednesday, also irking the church, by letting couples end their marriage without a mandatory separation or having to state a reason for the split-up, as required under the old law.
He has also pushed through legislation allowing stem-cell research and wants to loosen Spain's restrictive abortion law.
The Roman Catholic Church, which held much sway over the government just a generation ago when Gen. Francisco Franco was in power, had adamantly opposed gay marriage. In its first display of anti-government activism in 20 years, it endorsed a June 18 rally in which hundreds of thousands marched through Madrid in opposition to the bill. Some 20 bishops took part in the June 18 rally.
On Wednesday, a Catholic lay group called the Spanish Family Forum presented lawmakers with a petition bearing 600,000 signatures as a last-minute protest.
Late last year, the spokesman for the Spanish Bishops Conference, Antonio Martinez Camino said that allowing gay marriage was like "imposing a virus on society - something false that will have negative consequences for social life."
Despite the street protests in Madrid and elsewhere and the petition drive, polls suggest Spaniards supported gay marriage.
A survey released in May by pollster Instituto Opina said 62 percent of Spaniards support the government's action on this issue, and 30 percent oppose it. The poll had a margin of error of 3 percentage points. But surveys show Spaniards about evenly split over whether gay couples should be allowed to adopt children.
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