All I Really Want Is...

It's somewhat of a joke amongst close friends of mine...I claim to be relatively patient, and they all...well they all laugh at me. I realize my day to day actions make me appear somewhat "impatient", when really I guess in many senses I am being impatient at the moment. I don't believe I am an impatient person by nature, rather my natural surroundings have made me this person lacking patience.

I look at this cabin and think about "what I really want in this life". I think about waking with the new day and drifting off in my mans arms. I think about wandering about and finding where I need to be that day as I enter it. Swinging beside a lake surrounded by the sunset. I dream of my cabin of peace, the place where tradition will be born.

Many things in my life have been absent for so long, that now the longing has created this impatient person masking who hides underneath. I discuss in my weekly Monday discussions how this cabin is nothing more than a metaphor for what I seek to have spiritually. Now, even though I agree greatly, I still believe this fantasy is more than simply a thought or idea living inside my subconscious. I believe it is who I am.

People often believe they have an idea of who this boy Bryan is. I come in many shades, and often adapt to my surroundings. In Bryan's reality, I am a simple boy, with one simple wish. Since as long as I can remember, this reality is all I need to live life in, an overwhelming yet satisfying world surrounded with peace and happiness.

Do I want to work in the fashion world, do I see myself working in a fast paced world that relies on this ever changing world of technology? I answer this question within my arguments with myself often. I answer, of course I do...then pleed...why can't I have both?

I recently found a man that makes me smile at the thought of him. He frustrates me with his differences. He confuses me with his way of accomplishing things in life. These things only make me strive faster and stronger toward him, as his differences intrigue me, they satisfy me and most of all, they make me appreciate and adore him more and more each moment I live and breathe on this earth.

Life is a funny journey... My frustration and confusion with it, make me love it more and more. Curiosity feeding my hope and faith each second, I nolonger can keep track.

So..for those wondering..All I really want is this...some claim I am dramatic, I claim I am simply quite passionate...All I really want is this here, that I just spoke about.