It's funny how that home changes meaning throughout the years, but still can retain a glimse of the original meaning at the same time
I've thought about this all day today as I drove off to spend this holiday with those I love and know return love, unconditionally.
Home to me has been an ever changing and evolving thing. Home, no matter how scary or uncomfortable has always, ironically, gave me that comfortable feeling that is nearly impossible to translate into words.
In my life, I find the feeling of home to be close to those you care for, while feeling that indescribable security. I have that feeling when Dante puts his arm around me just when I need him to. When Rachel calls from london exactly when I need to talk. When my sister remembers and reminds me of being kids, when we would laugh and play, regardless of other distractions, when my mother gives me her look of peaceful disconnection, and when my grandmother looks at me with her long lived wisdom...that wisdom that clearly tells me she knows what I am going through...every step of the way.
Home follows you. It is not a place, or a person...It is a feeling. One like no other.
Happy Thanksgiving ..... my list of reasons to be thankful is beyond endless
11.23.2006
11.09.2006
Thoughts can Paralyze
par·a·lyze (pr-lz)
tr.v. par·a·lyzed, par·a·lyz·ing, par·a·lyz·es
To make unable to move or act
To impair the progress or functioning of; make inoperative or powerless
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Especially in my case, I lose strength when my I am overwhelmed by my thoughts.
In my life I have often found myself lethargic when engulfed in uncertainty. One thing about myself that has only grown through the years is my heart and ability to love. I love truly and deeply and once trust is realized...I love freely and blindly. I realize the weakness caused by this, but also believe within weakness is great strength.
I've been told to be too dramatic, and to dwell on things longer than needed. I both love and hate this trait of mine. I love the dramatic side of things as it is what feels true to my heart and mind. Perhaps I dwell because of my inability to feel complete until all the facts are crystal clear. Regardless I accept this of myself, as well as the consequences that come along with it from time to time.
This morning as the sun rose, I layed in bed staring at the ceiling playing thoughts and images over and over again. I had an emotional day yesterday, and as I layed there I wished for some of these traits of mine to correct themselves.
I guess I am not really heading in any one direction...I just have many emotions sitting in my heart that need to be released. I have always found great comfort in releasing them by writing, even if only I underdstand what I am talking about.
tr.v. par·a·lyzed, par·a·lyz·ing, par·a·lyz·es
To make unable to move or act
To impair the progress or functioning of; make inoperative or powerless
------
Especially in my case, I lose strength when my I am overwhelmed by my thoughts.
In my life I have often found myself lethargic when engulfed in uncertainty. One thing about myself that has only grown through the years is my heart and ability to love. I love truly and deeply and once trust is realized...I love freely and blindly. I realize the weakness caused by this, but also believe within weakness is great strength.
I've been told to be too dramatic, and to dwell on things longer than needed. I both love and hate this trait of mine. I love the dramatic side of things as it is what feels true to my heart and mind. Perhaps I dwell because of my inability to feel complete until all the facts are crystal clear. Regardless I accept this of myself, as well as the consequences that come along with it from time to time.
This morning as the sun rose, I layed in bed staring at the ceiling playing thoughts and images over and over again. I had an emotional day yesterday, and as I layed there I wished for some of these traits of mine to correct themselves.
I guess I am not really heading in any one direction...I just have many emotions sitting in my heart that need to be released. I have always found great comfort in releasing them by writing, even if only I underdstand what I am talking about.