Silent Frustration

My life today, yesterday and tomorrow is predominant in my thoughts. Finding balance, understanding and comfort in the day-to-day dance with life has been an enlightening experience. I enjoy waking up in the morning, and rest peacefully positioned in my bed at night. I never thought my strength had enough power to save me. Hearing kind words and positive guidance over the past years of my life have now awoken the powerful spirit inside of me.

Nearly five years ago, I stopped myself and realized I would need to follow a new path to develop the person living inside of me. My kind heart, and giving self always alive, heart pumping, but rested silently waiting.

Realizing I needed help along this journey was the first of many obstacles I have been challenged with in my life. Understanding the journey’s length, the largest. As a warm hug ended my final therapy session this past Monday, I smiled on my way home and reflected on her kind, generous and forever giving and understanding soul. Often I remind myself of the everlasting impression we leave on others, as them in return.

Now a new set of rules and paths open up at the tips of my toes. There is no “cured” and the same that the past has shown me, will forever pop its head in my life. I now choose when to remember, and when to move past. I now have the strength and power to overcome while never forgetting.

Inside this head of mine, there still will be moments of sadness, confusion, frustration, overreacting, but the paralyzing threat released. It is unnatural to live life constantly happy and focused, as it is equally as unhealthy to constantly see the down side, depressed in a corner.

Life is a balance of all emotions.

will I lose my wisdom, now that they are gone?

Yeah, I had em removed yesterday. I woke up, Tuesday morning the same as any other day. Went to the Dentist for my usual cleaning, and before I knew it I was being talked into having my wisdom teeth taken out. Right then and there. I, knowing I have to do it eventually looked back at him and said, fine take em out.

So now my mouth's population is down by two. My sore jaw is up by a bazillion though. I should have stayed home again today.

Rain, the mood magician

One of my largest hurdles in life is finding my positive, happy place when day after day the sun is out of sight, and moisture in what ever form takes over the day.

With it being winter, a colder/darker season, I am usually prepared for days and weeks like this. This morning, I struggled the entire walk to my car, the drive to work, and now sitting here at my desk. I am not sad in any way. I am not feeling any level of stress or anxiety. The rain, and darkness, all this gloom, makes me feel like I am.

It is now 8:50 AM est, and I plan to start my day over from here.

Does this weather play tricks on your mind too?

Drivers Wanted

The new Jetta's coming




I knew it was coming eventually, just didn't expect it this soon. I watched a news special on this the other night, and like a kid at Christmas, was glued to the tube. I will have to wait until they hit show room floors before I can really tell if I love or hate this radical change. I can say I am excited about the new 2.5L 150hp engine that is standard on all trim levels.

At first glance, to me it lacks the usual VW charm, but I have faith that it will proudly carry the VW symbol.

Take a closer look here

• VW America

• VW Deutschland

Let me know what you think

Graduation Day

..here i sit, looking around my office, thinking about all the years that have passed. Fourty more work days left, and my place here will be history. Incredibly hard to believe, and at the same time, semi-refreshing.

For many, you left High School, and moved on to College. Either being sent away, or commuting locally. At the young age of nineteen, I didn't head off to further my education in school, I started out in the wonderful world of corporate america.

Nineteen years old, I was sitting in a mostly empty room with women old enough to be my mother. I learned quickly the complete operation of the department, and basically dove right into it. The years went on, and I moved from department to department, continuously learning more and more. Eight years and three months later, I am currently holding a Manager title and feel that my knowledge and opinion matter on some level. Now all the doors will close, and I will bring this knowlege and experience elsewhere.

For me, it is like Graduation Day. Not that there will be any balloons or tossed caps or gowns. Just that this place gave me security, knowledge, and the know how to work, and the confidence that I can be successful.

I have to be thankful for that.

Happy New Year

So it is 2005, I really cannot believe it. It was an enjoyable night surrounded by friends and positive energy.

I wish everyone a happy and healthy 2005.

New Year's resolution #1, stop reading things that are hurtful
New Year's resolution #2, remember to find the good in everything and everyone
New Year's resolution #3, smile, daily